“I always believe I can come back to my motherland, today, I am here!” the Chinese scientist and rocket expert Qian xuesen said to his families when the airplane was landing in Guangzhou,China.Qian xuesen, who got his doctor degree at MIT in astronautics in 1939 and had been working in the USA for 20 years in rocket research. In 1949, New China was founded, he thought it was the time to go back, but a senior naval captain of the USA said ”No matter where he is, he is worth 5 divisions, anyway, he must stay in the USA “,so he was subject to supervision by the Federal Bureau of Investigation until he left in 1955.
After coming back, he plotted out the idea for developing missile technology in China. On 29 June, 1964, the first domestically developed medium-range missile was successfully launched, two years later, 27 October, 1966, the atomic bomb was accomplished.
Now, he is retired, but the Chinese people have never forgotten him, we respectfully call him as “the father of atomic bomb in China”
Jihongli
2 opmerkingen:
The 1st sentence is a good teaser and you use the same subject throughout, so the question 'whose story?' is very clearly answered: good job!
Some language points to consider:
I always believeD I can COULD come back to my motherland, today, I am here!” the Chinese scientist and rocket expert Qian xuesen said to his families when the airplane was landing in Guangzhou,China.
Qian xuesen, who got his doctor degree at MIT in astronautics AT MIT in 1939 and had been working in the USA for 20 years in rocket research. In 1949, THE New China was founded, he thought it was the time to go back, but a senior naval captain of the USA said ”No matter where he is, he is worth 5 divisions, anyway, he must stay in the USA “,so he was subject to supervision by the Federal Bureau of Investigation until he left in 1955.
After coming back, he plotted out (leave out 'out') the idea for developing missile technology in China. On 29 June, 1964, the first domestically developed medium-range missile was successfully launched, two years later, 27 October, 1966, the atomic bomb was accomplished.
Now, he is retired, but the Chinese people have never forgotten him, we respectfully call him as (leave out 'as') “the father of atomic bomb in China”
ok!
olaf
First of all thank you for writing your blog and I always enjoy reading about chinese scientists.
As our professor said (since I'm a bit late) the first sentence is a good opener and makes you wonder why he was gone for so long and then you explain why. It's always good to have that kind of build up.
There are however some things that could have been better.
I had to read the blog twice to fully comprehend the text. That's mostly due to the language points already pointed out by the professor.
Some things that I would alter is:
in the first sentence: families, I always believed that we have only one 'family'. In the third sentence for the readers ease I would use the FBI instead of the federal bural of investigation. Also in that sentence there's a comma behind 'divisions' that shouldn't be there in my estimation. It's probably this sentence that got me lost the first time reading your blog because of the length and all the commas. The fifth sentence you use 'On 29 june' I would use 'on june 29' or 'on the 29th of June' again for the reader's ease same for 27 october.
All in all I enjoyed reading this blog and if you iron out the language (which is why you're taking this class) there's no reason you can't become a great scientist with excellent English writing.
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