AIDS or known as Acquired immune deficiency syndrome or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome is defined as a collection of symptoms and infections resulting from the specific damage to the immune system caused by the human immunodeficiency virus(HIV) in humans and similar viruses in other species (SIV, FIV, etc.). Many people in the world are suffering from this fatal disease. During the late stage of this condition, the individuals become susceptible to the infections and tumors. There is no cure for AIDS. The virus causing this disease is transmitted through direct contact of a mucous membrane or the blood stream with a bodily fluid containing HIV, such as blood, semen, vaginal fluid and breast milk. The ways of transmission include anal, vaginal or oral sex, blood transfusion, contaminated hypodermic needles, exchange between mother and baby during pregnancy, childbirth or breast feeding or other exposure to one of the above bodily fluids.
Muhammad Aslam
2 opmerkingen:
Probably the most 'scientific' blog of them all, style-wise. Formality is ok, but a bit heavy-handed for a blog entry.
You shift from very long sentences to short sentences, which reduces the formal style and keept the text readable.
The text is meant to inform, rather than amuse and it does so well.
Point to consider: don't overuse the definite article 'the'. When talking in general about countable things, it's better to use a plural form without any articles:
During the late stage of this condition, (the) individuals become susceptible to (the) infections and tumors.
Dear Aslam
I have to complement you on choosing a very relevant and informative topic for your blog entry.
The topic sentence defines the abbreviation “AIDS” this clearly indicates the theme of the paragraph that follows. Instead of using “AIDS or know as…” I would replace the “or ” with “also” or “otherwise” known as…” this makes the sentence flow better.
In your second and fourth sentences you state the impact of the disease in a short and compact way, this helps to create drama and emphasize how important AIDS is in our society.
The last two sentences is used to conveys information on “transmission”, but I am a little confused because both sentences states the same information just in two different ways, one in general and the other in the form of examples. Repeating of statements might be a good approach since it forces the reader to remember important information.
I found your blog an overall success without any grammatical or spelling mistakes.
Een reactie posten